MARIO LOPEZ...THE MAN, THE DANCER, THE GLADIATOR. WE HAVE FLOGGED THE HORSE SILLY...YOU GET THE POINT!

Here is our final insert on Mario Lopez. The piece is guest-blogged by Connie Wilson...

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The Final Installment of our multi-part in-depth look at Mario Lopez, the man, the dancer, the gladiator, I allude, again, to Matt’s report of Mario in his huckster days, shilling for Skeletor and He-Man in Times Square. Originally posted on 8/26/2000, Matt described the momentous event this way:

“The past Friday at Toys R Us in Times Square, one of the strangest, most sense-shattering events of all time took place.  This was the stuff legends and dreams are made of---the type of engagement that’d have you thanking earthworms and bluebirds because they’re the first things you see and you needed to thank something. ..I know that last one didn’t make sense, but neither did the event. What happens when He-Man meets A.C. Slater from ‘Saved by the Bell?’ This crossing of alternate universes has left me without prayer or guidance, but I’d happily trade all those things in to watch Skeletor point a plastic sword at Mario Lopez again.”

You get the general idea. If you want to read something laugh-out-loud funny, do visit Matt’s blog, in which, among other things, he says, “There will never be another chance to get a group picture of He-Man, Skeletor, and Mario F****** Lopez.” (I’m betting Matt’s right on that prediction.)

And, of course, the role we all came to know and love him in, Mario’s appearance on season three of “Dancing with the Stars,” where, somehow, he placed second (rather than first), losing to football player Emmett Smith (who must have had some really good phone bank callers working overtime for him, is all I can say about that.)

After their heated sambas, rumbas and two-steps, Mario was romantically linked with his dancing partner, Karina Smirnoff for two years, and the twosome  moved in together. AOL news quoted Karina (4/30/08) as saying about break-up rumors, “We’re going on strong.  As much as I love and appreciate the attention, this isn’t true. For the record, I am not moving out. Everything is great.”

Shortly thereafter (April, 2008), Mario was cast as Zach, the demanding director in “A Chorus Line”. According to CBS News (6/29/08) Lopez was hired March 5, 2008, and began April 15th at the Gerard Schoenfeld Theatre, 15 days before Karina issued her passionate denial of their break-up.

But wait for the other shoe to drop! The “Hollywood Headache” (6/5/08) reported that the 2-year Lopez/Smirnoff relationship officially had ended with his and hers news releases.

His: “Karina and I have the utmost respect for each other.  She is a phenomenal and talented woman.  I support her always and feel blessed to have her in my life.”

Hers:  “Karina has parted ways after a 2-year relationship with Mario Lopez. The relationship wasn’t heading in the right direction.”  [Supposedly, Mario had been cheating on Karina with Meaghan Cooper, a Hooters girl, for over a year.]

So, in with the new (“A Chorus Line”); out with the old (Karina and “Dancing with the Stars”).

What might be next for Mario Lopez? Well, he’s posed nearly nude (pp. 54-63) in the June 30th, 2008 People magazine, and boy if that doesn’t look “cheesy,” I don’t know what does! (Maybe that video I mentioned earlier?) Not only does Mario recreate famous nearly-nude scenes (Brad Pitt’s in “Thelma & Louise,” Burt Reynolds in the infamous “Cosmopolitan” centerfold, Richard Gere in “American Gigolo”),  but Mario reveals that he “sleeps naked,” drives a Toyota Land Cruiser and an Audi, and has had sex on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. True class! [Just makes you want to run right out and buy tickets to take your grandkids on that ride!]

If you still haven’t had your Mario Lopez quota after all the above, you can go to www.CelebHeights.com, where various strangers argue about whether he is 5’ 9” or shorter and, as a last resort, you can create your own fan site on www.Hollywood.com after you answer the rhetorical question, “Are you the Number 1 fan of Mario Lopez?” Isn’t everyone...wink, wink?

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Our previous posts in the series are here:

The Topsy Turvy Career of Mario Lopez...Here's "The Skinny"

Mario Lopez: More Twists and Turns Than Walt Disney's Scariest Roller Coaster Ride

Mario Lopez: Will Work For Food

Mario Lopez' Career...It's Been a Bumpy Ride...

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Dated 7/22/08
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THE TOPSY TURVY CAREER OF MARIO LOPEZ...HERE'S "THE SKINNY"

We posted last time on Mario Lopez' life and career and the wild ride he has been on. Here is the confirmation as documented by our guest-blogger Connie Wilson...more truck stops than an interstate trucking route...

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Captain of the Los Angeles Armed Response team on GSN’s Extreme Dodgeball.

Contestant on “The Weakest Link”

Appeared on American Gladiators (’91). Lasted 3 rounds; won $20,000.

One of 4 co-hosts (along with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce!) of “The Other Half,” somebody’s answer to “The View.” (Please just slap me now).

Spoke to visitors waiting in line at Space Mountain ride as recently as 2001 (in film form).

“Killing Mr. Griffin”, an NBC-TV movie

Outta’ Time” – played a college student who suffers a knee injury that costs him his college scholarship, forcing him to become a bicycle messenger transporting packages for a shady medical lab to make ends meet. Can’t understand why this one didn’t win an Oscar nomination.

Direct-to-video sci-fi thriller “Absolution” (1999)

The Padre of Santa Rosa” (with Jimmy Smits) in 2000. He played a stock market savvy ex-con, which is a nice combination. (I think Michael Milken also may have played this part, only in real life.)

“Pacific Blue” – played Bobby Cruz, a bike patrol officer working undercover along the California beaches after being forced from the LAPD for the use of excessive force (USA Network).

Did a nude shower scene on “Nip/Tuck” (FX Network) in 2003, which led to him giving Dr. Troy (Julian McMahon) liposuction. (Doesn’t it always?)

Took a role on “The Bold and the Beautiful” in March, 2006, playing Dr. Christian Ramirez. Contract was not renewed (i.e., fired) on July 18, 2006, 2 months later.

“Extra” celebrity guest host. First assignment: the January 12, 2006 Golden Globes.

Was scheduled to do ringside commentary (read) alongside pro wrestler Bill Goldberg for EliteXC, a mixed martial arts show, but was replaced at the last minute. [Lopez actually did place 7th in his weight class in wrestling at state championships when in high school.]

Auditioned to take over for Bob Barker (3/12/07). Lost out to Drew Carey.

Has hosted the Miss Teen USA pageant (’98, ’03, Aug., ’07), the Miss America pageant (June, 2007), and the Miss Universe pageant (May, 2007).

Hosts “Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew”

Was on the third season of “Mind of Mencia”

Hosted “Pet Star” on Animal Planet

Author of Mario Lopez’s Knockout Fitness

ESPN2 And ESPN - Top Rank boxing on overseas broadcasts of Manny Pacquio’s fights

There you go...it's be a long bumpy ride but no one, with the success he has had in recent times, can argue it wasn't worth it.

mario.gif

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Our previous posts in the series are here:

Mario Lopez: More Twists and Turns Than Walt Disney's Scariest Roller Coaster Ride

Mario Lopez: Will Work For Food

Mario Lopez' Career...It's Been a Bumpy Ride...

Stay tuned for our last insert in the series... 

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Dated 7/18/08
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MARIO LOPEZ' CAREER: IT'S BEEN A WILD RIDE...

In the first two installments of our look at Mario Lopez, we got a taste of Mario’s roller coaster career and learned about “Chesthairgate”...Our guest blogger, Connie Wilson, examines the career of a young man who, as you will see, is truly one for all seasons.

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wildride.png

 

Mario's roller coaster career stated at a vey tender age. By the age of 10, he was already plucked from a talent competition and cast in the television series “AKA Pablo” on ABC (1984) opposite Paul Rodriguez. Rodriguez played a Mexican-American comedian whose assimilated parents disapproved of his Mexican-American humor. (Probably like Paul Rodriguez’ real parents, I’m thinking.) Mario played Paul’s younger brother Tomas.

Let’s not forget Mario’s guest appearance on “The Golden Girls.” Yes, that “Golden Girls.” As unlikely as it may seem, Mario was cast as a young student of Dorothy’s who writes an essay about how great it is to be living in America and gets deported as a result when it is discovered he is an illegal alien. (Or so it said on the brief blurb I read. You guys still think I’m making this stuff up, don’t you?)

Who can forget Mario’s feature film debut, a 1988 Dennis Hopper directed film called “Colors” about gang violence in East L.A. It featured Officer Danny McGavin (Sean Penn) and his older mentor Officer Bob Hodges (Robert Duvall) racing down a lot of alleys in pursuit of the bad guys. I remember it well. I really do. I just don’t remember Mario being in it. So I looked it up on IMDB. (International Movie Data Base).

When you take a close look at the cast list, you see Damon Wayans as “T-Bone,” Maria Conchita Alonso as Louisa Gomez, Don Cheadle as “Rocket”, Seymour Cassel as Officer Sullivan, Fred Asparagus (?) as “Cook” and…way down at the bottom of the IMDB list…a very young Mario Lopez listed as “Felipe’s friend.”

Before that, from 1984 to 1988, Mario appeared on Kids Incorporated alongside Fergie (aka, Stacey Ferguson). Fergie, he says, gave him his first kiss. In the June 30, 2008 issue of People magazine, Mario burbles, “I’m very proud of my first kiss! It was with Fergie! It’s very hard for me to call her Fergie. I call her Stacy. I was 10. She says there was no tongue!”

E.W.com on March 6th of 2008 wrote “Lopez’s career has been all over the map for a while. Even when only in his early 20s, actor Mario Lopez successfully worked his way out of a career rut.” I’m not so sure he has worked his way out of a career rut or into a career rut. How do I count them? (Let me count some more ways)

One of the most hilarious clips I’ve seen in months surfaced on a website known as PopwatchBlog. Although Mario only has one line (“I used to be in Menudo”), the dance he performs looks like it’s taken straight from a Chippendale’s training video. It was actually a clip from his straight-to-video film “Husband for Hire.” However, even that cheesy clip didn’t have me laughing nearly as much as the entry written by a blogger called “Matt” on  regarding a Mattel/Toys ‘R Us event in Times Square in New York City.

If you want to really laugh, you’ll visit that blog and read Matt’s complete account of a personal appearance that involved Mario Lopez and Mattel. If not, stay tuned for the third installment that describes exactly what Mario does to earn a paycheck.

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Our previous posts on Mario are here and here. Stay tuned for our next insert as we go more in depth into the life of Mario Lopez...the star whose career has more twists and turns than Walt Disney's "scare coasters"... 

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Dated 7/16/08
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MARIO LOPEZ..."WILL WORK FOR FOOD"

As we continue our series on Mario Lopez, guest-blogger Connie Wilson looks at "Chesthairgate"...we will see if we can spare you the details!!!

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I swear, I’m not making this up...Mario is currently embroiled in what “Star” magazine has dubbed “Chesthairgate” (Defamer blog), which has to do with his claim that he never has to “manscape” his chest hair.

Pictures were produced and voters on AOL voted 84% (54,395) to 16% (10,720) that Mario may have (also) dissembled about shaving off his body hair when being interviewed after posing for a series of provocative photos in the June 30th issue of People magazine. I told you this guy will work for food!

The shots are meant to recreate the sexiest male photos of the past. There is an interview, too. The most embarrassing photo appears on page 60 and features Mario wearing what looks like a giant diaper, in memory of Christopher Atkins in “The Blue Lagoon.” (Is there nothing this guy won’t do for a buck?)[It wasn’t sexy when Christopher Atkins wore it. It looks even sillier in 2008.]

chesthairgate.gif

Our first post on Mario is here...

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Dated 7/14/08
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MARIO LOPEZ: MORE TWISTS AND TURNS THAN WALT DISNEY’S SCARIEST ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

Mario Lopez has seen incredible success in recent times but we should know its been far from easy. In this first insert of, our guest-blogger, Connie Wilson,  begins to look at the amazing life and times of the young star...

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(Sung to the tune of “Maria” from “West Side Story,” with apologies to Leonard Bernstein).

Mario! I just saw a man named Mario!

And suddenly I see,

How beautiful he is to me…

Mario!

Say it loud and it’s almost like crying!

Say it soft and you’ll think that you’re dying!

Mario! I’ll never stop saying, Mario...

The most beautiful sound I ever heard: Mario!

This piece started out to be a Second Coming story about 34-year-old Mario Lopez. As I drifted off, the verses of  the beautiful song I have inserted above came to mind...seemingly bringing realization of the amazing life this guy has had…his “Big Thunder Mountain Railroad” roller coaster career and reluctant admission on my part that I could easily see Mario with the sign…WILL WORK FOR FOOD!

OK…let’s back up a little. Mario…”I’ll never stop saying” (sing along) is perhaps best-known for his role (1989-1993) as A.C. Slater, (the friend and chief rival of schemer Zack), on the now-defunct NBC television series “Saved by the Bell.”

Yeah…He, in fact worked in the entertainment industry before Saved By The Bell (SBTB), but A.C. Slater was his ticket to stardom, and he rode that train…until it said no more!

A brief history of SBTB? Well, 4 or 5 seasons on the regular show, followed by: “Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style” (1982); “Saved by the Bell: Graduation Special” (1993); “Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas” (1994); and “Saved by the Bell: The College Years” (1993-1994.)

Hmmm…can you say MILK IT? Yes I can and I swear I’m not making this up. Check for yourself and behold!...the number of very short-lived SBTB spin-offs. A nightmare (must be) to NBC that they must have thought would never end.

Mario... …”I’ll never stop saying” (hum verse) and the SBTB cast were the nightmare friends who would come over for dinner, invite themselves to supper and stay for a nightcap. I even remember that, for a fee, cast members of “Saved by the Bell” were prepared to make a personal appearance right here in Bettendorf, Iowa (at the then fledgling Sylvan Learning Center I ran back in the eighties. We (Sylvan) didn’t pony up the money though and the event was canceled. Hmmm…can you say NOT WORTH IT? Hah!

An episode of Saved By The Bell...as if we haven't had enough...

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Join us for the second part as we continue to look at the intriguing life and times of Mario…” I just saw a man named Mario” (sing aloud)….

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Dated 7/11/08
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